If you need a laugh, then read these Children's Science Exam answers.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body! categor ized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five
bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
good friday
What's so "good" about Good Friday? Isn't it supposed to be the anniversary of the brutal death of our Lord, Jesus Christ? "Good" really isn't the word I would use to describe it.
And yet as I think about it, without that vicious, cruel killing, I myself would be doomed to die. Die. Eternal Damnation. And why not? I deserve it.
Tonight, I saw the depiction of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus in The Promise. I was struck by not only the many miracles Jesus performed as a man on this Earth: The humble healing of the leper, the touching resurrection of the young girl, but also, naturally, by the vile act of Jesus' killing itself.
As the Roman soldiers prepared Jesus for his raising onto the cross, I allowed my mind to wander to the actual crucifixion. Their loud hammer strikes pounded long, thick, cold nails into the wrists of my Savior. I sat in my seat, numb, as I pictured myself as the one holding that hammer. Every sin I had ever committed was another loud beating. Every selfish and judgmental thought was responsible for putting Jesus through this. It was enough to bring me to tears. My body shook with remorse and regret. What kind of Love is that for us? It's a love that, to me, is unfathomable....
I guess, now that I think about it, "Good" Friday is kind of an understatement...isn't it?
And yet as I think about it, without that vicious, cruel killing, I myself would be doomed to die. Die. Eternal Damnation. And why not? I deserve it.
Tonight, I saw the depiction of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus in The Promise. I was struck by not only the many miracles Jesus performed as a man on this Earth: The humble healing of the leper, the touching resurrection of the young girl, but also, naturally, by the vile act of Jesus' killing itself.
As the Roman soldiers prepared Jesus for his raising onto the cross, I allowed my mind to wander to the actual crucifixion. Their loud hammer strikes pounded long, thick, cold nails into the wrists of my Savior. I sat in my seat, numb, as I pictured myself as the one holding that hammer. Every sin I had ever committed was another loud beating. Every selfish and judgmental thought was responsible for putting Jesus through this. It was enough to bring me to tears. My body shook with remorse and regret. What kind of Love is that for us? It's a love that, to me, is unfathomable....
I guess, now that I think about it, "Good" Friday is kind of an understatement...isn't it?
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Important Recall
ATTENTION PLEASE:
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units
manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect
in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype
units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction
of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed "Sequential
Internal Non-morality," or commonly known as S. I. N., as it is
primarily expressed.
Some symptoms:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish and/or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for
this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and
service, free of charge, to correct this "SIN" defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered
to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these
repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The PROCEDURE for repairs in all areas is to upload your
burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next,
download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, JESUS, into the
heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, JESUS will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual: the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers
Instructions Before Leaving Earth), for further details on
the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human-being unit
without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing
the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and
will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency service, call on JESUS.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall
action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN
defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent
contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention,
ALMIGHTY GOD
P. S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this bulletin!
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units
manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect
in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype
units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction
of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed "Sequential
Internal Non-morality," or commonly known as S. I. N., as it is
primarily expressed.
Some symptoms:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish and/or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for
this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and
service, free of charge, to correct this "SIN" defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered
to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these
repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The PROCEDURE for repairs in all areas is to upload your
burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next,
download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, JESUS, into the
heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, JESUS will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual: the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers
Instructions Before Leaving Earth), for further details on
the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human-being unit
without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing
the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and
will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency service, call on JESUS.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall
action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN
defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent
contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention,
ALMIGHTY GOD
P. S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this bulletin!
Monday, April 02, 2007
McKenna Joi: A Memoriam
Today marks the due date of my third pregnancy. That's right, my third. It started sometime last June and ended tragically 9 weeks later: August 29th, 2006. No bigger than a peanut.
My miscarriage was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Okay, maybe the hardest. But to tell you the truth, I never felt alone...and I never felt that no one cared. I had my God, who was there when I needed a lap to crawl into and a chest to lay my head upon. I had my dear husband, who was feeling many of the same things I was, and was there to cry with me and to pick me up when I physically couldn't move. And I had a great network of friends and family who showed me support and love.
But I had to wonder what had caused this tragedy. Was it something I had done? My doctors assured me that there was nothing I could've done to either cause or prevent what had happened. Heredity may have played a part. My mother had 5 miscarriages. What made me think that I was safe? That I would never suffer the same heartache? I may never have the answers.
And maybe the most disheartening of all? Eight weeks is probably the earliest you can detect a fetal heartbeat with a "primitive" doppler heartrate detector. But lo and behold, my doctor was able to detect the heart tones during my 8th week of pregnancy! Extremely rare! How mind-numbing that only a week later, I was carrying my precious, highly anticipated little offspring into the doctor's office in a Cool Whip container.
How do you memorialize such a short life? To be true, we didn't know the gender of this baby. But I will tell you this: during my short pregnancy, I did have an attraction to all things pink. It is this that I cling to for some sort of vitality. So we picked out a name for this child, like we would have any other one of our children. And she will be remembered in our hearts forever:
Our little McKenna Joi
My miscarriage was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Okay, maybe the hardest. But to tell you the truth, I never felt alone...and I never felt that no one cared. I had my God, who was there when I needed a lap to crawl into and a chest to lay my head upon. I had my dear husband, who was feeling many of the same things I was, and was there to cry with me and to pick me up when I physically couldn't move. And I had a great network of friends and family who showed me support and love.
But I had to wonder what had caused this tragedy. Was it something I had done? My doctors assured me that there was nothing I could've done to either cause or prevent what had happened. Heredity may have played a part. My mother had 5 miscarriages. What made me think that I was safe? That I would never suffer the same heartache? I may never have the answers.
And maybe the most disheartening of all? Eight weeks is probably the earliest you can detect a fetal heartbeat with a "primitive" doppler heartrate detector. But lo and behold, my doctor was able to detect the heart tones during my 8th week of pregnancy! Extremely rare! How mind-numbing that only a week later, I was carrying my precious, highly anticipated little offspring into the doctor's office in a Cool Whip container.
How do you memorialize such a short life? To be true, we didn't know the gender of this baby. But I will tell you this: during my short pregnancy, I did have an attraction to all things pink. It is this that I cling to for some sort of vitality. So we picked out a name for this child, like we would have any other one of our children. And she will be remembered in our hearts forever:
Our little McKenna Joi
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